way too long

Well today i am writing because I just haven't done anything for a long while. I guess that since i have a day off then I don't have a lot to say.

This past week has been very difficult for me. I find myself doing a lot of paperwork. It is not that I am unable but that it just sucks the life right out of me. The dilemma is that if I do the paperwork then people don't complain. I didn't study theology so that I can sit in a room and do administrative work. This has always been a constant struggle in my work and so this is nothing really big. I just hate it that everyone seems to try and force me into this mould.

The main problem is that I know that I have, if God is willing, only about 35 years of life left. Those years can rapidly decrease by sickness and aging. So how do I make the most of the time I have left? How do I serve my God faithfully? How do I invest the talents (this is about my stewardship) that he has given me, in an effective way?

I moved to Sweden because God called me. I did not move here because of tho social services, even though they are terrific. I did not move here to be part of a religious structure, even though I am ordained as a priest in the Church of Sweden. My desire is to encourage others to share their faith, not that I should not but that I should not be the only one. I want to help others to grow in Christ. No growth is equivalent with death and atrophy like stagnation.

Going to church on Sundays is just not enough. There is more to following Yeshua (yes his name in Hebrew is not Jesus) than checking of a religious activity one or two days a week. I believe that it is living in community with others who also want to walk in the Master's footsteps.

In the past I have used this blogg to vent when I am frustrated. I want to introduce something different. i want to widen it's use. I want to share my journey with others. from the dark musings that swirl around in my head to the zany and spontaneous things that keep the child in me alive.

I want to encourage with raw truth and not just nice words. The truth hurts, but it can also lead to change.

I am torn between various groups. The groups want me to belong to them or to lead them or to exclusively commit myself to them. In the process there is always a catch. It is about me having to change and become someone else. They want me to more forceful and then less. To do what they themselves are unwilling to pay the price for. I hate it because it often means that I should take the risk alone instead or "we" take the risk. Now this is not in all groups that I am associated with. But it happens too often.

Now don't get me wrong I have faults. I am way too optimistic about time. I am always trying to cram as much as I can into everything because I really don't believe that there is plenty of time to take care of it later. I will always stop to help someone when I am on the way because most people don't stop. If more people did it then I would have faith that someone else would. I drive everyone around me crazy. people tend to glide away from me over time because I am just a bit much to take.



I work as a Lutheran priest. But that means something different to many other people than it means to me. I could care less about how I dress. when I decide to change from a tee-shirt and jeans to a shirt and slacks, then I'll hear someone make a comment like, "Wow you have decided to dress like and adult today". Like I go around with fuzzy clothing like a baby.

The other thing is my faith. I believe what I believe but it seems that over the years the whole goal is to not make people upset by what we say. This results in there being no room to share and discuss. How can we grow in our faith when we are not allowed to challenge each other. The Church of Sweden is then heading towards path of apostasy. When we care more about people feeling good than about them hearing the truth, we will become apostate.

Case in point. I believe that Jesus Christ (Yeshua HaMachiach) is the only way to forgiveness, eternal life and communion with God. This makes some people upset. If I just keep it privately to myself then that is okay. But actually saying that those priest in who teach otherwise are leading people astray would be considered something wrong. But if I really believe this then I would be a hypocrite for not saying anything. I could be accused of hating instead of loving. Love demands the truth regardless. I can't force anyone but I still must proclaim the truth to those around me. This truth is not shared because I am right but because God has changed my heart and given me love for others. This changed condition results in the boldness to tell them the truth.

I hope to live the rest of my days breaking down the frames that i allow others construct around me. I hope to be a voice that dares to risk it all for the cause of Christ. Hopefully this will happen in community with others who want to walk this crazy path, but if not then I will still follow Yeshua all of my days, or at least until I'm totally senile.

This picture is how I want things to be. Like the water reflects the sky, I want to reflect Christ in my world and time.

God's peace and love in abundance,

Edward