12 days and counting

Well today is the 2nd of January and I'm wondering whether or not I should go to work. I guess that is one of the reasons why I have so much to ponder about.

Since August 1, I've been working as the "ungdomspräst" (youth pastor) at Lötenkyrkan in Uppsala. We've had a lot of young people come to the church and it has been very challenging. When I say that I've been working it doesn't mean that I've had any sacramental duties. In the job that I have I don't have to lead very many services nor do I have to preach.

this may seem quite strange, that a pastor has very little to do with worship services, but when you consider my accent then maybe it is out of kindness for those who have to listen to me, that it is so. In fact my command of the Swedish language has been one of my areas of doubt this past fall. I've been living in Sweden for 10 years and while I can communicate it is not without grammatical fault. I keep asking myself why did God call me here when He knew that I would never be able to get rid of my accent.

One of the reasons that this has become such a big deal is that last summer I was in way up north in Jokkmokk where I was doing my summer internship. Jokkmokk is a very small town above the Artic Circle in Northern Sweden. It has always been easy for me to get along with young people so there was no complaints about me from the youth. It was the seniors who had the most negative expriences with me. They just couldn't understand why I couldn't sound more like them. when you consider that the majority of the attendees were over 60 then you might get an idea of what it's like. I just couldn't win them over.

Speaking Swedish is very important in sweden. You are automatically judged by how you pronounce the sounds of the language. People who speak with a northern (nordländskt) or a very southern (skånskt) dialect can find themselves riddiculed and belittled, espcecially those from the north. This dialectal descrimination is even more strongly felt by many of us who have moved to Sweden from outside of Scandinavia.

now that I've accepted that the my family in America is not coming to my ordination then I don't have a valid excuse for doing the reception meal the following Communion in English. Now I have even more pain in my stomach. We are not so many immigrant pastors (actually in the Lutheran Church in Sweden we are called priests and not pastors, since pastors are what leaders are called in the free chuch) in the Church of Sweden. This means that people are not very used to hearing someone who speaks with an non-Swedish pronounciation.

I experience Sweden as a very homogeneous society. Here it is not very correct to stick out in the crowd. No one should be better than anyone else. Don't think that you are something. This "jantelagen" could be the reason to why, my acceent, makes me feel so out of place. Because of it, I can't hide and just blend into the background. I can't be like everyone else. I do thingss very differently and always stick out. In America this was appreciated more than here in Sweden. It's not that Sweden is worse than America, but it is very different.

Who knows how God can make use of this. I could be the reason why He called me to Sweden? I have no answer. Maybe if I could afford it I could purchase a ticket for my daughter, Jess, and then we would have to have things in English, hmmm

The other option is to do what I've done so far and that is to place everything in God's hands. So as i prepare to read the rest of the Bishops letter on death and life then I should remind myself that all of this is in the hand of God. He knows what is best for me and that is why I'm willing to be led by Him even when I have butterfly the size of an eagle in my stomache.

I'm going to spend som time today praying for the young people we are going to serve this term. I'm hoping that God will reveal His will for our area so that we can adapt our program to become aligned with God's program. As I reflect upon the oaths, the ordination, our youth department and my first wedding (27th Jauary) then I hope to be granted confidence in God's love and concern for all of us and thereby have his peace.

Gudsfrid